It is not just the writing and the multiple projects that demand silence from me. I need silence and solitude not just to think about those things. I need silence for something else too. I’m still not comfortable talking about it. Let me just put it this way. I got myself into a MESS and I can end it right now and put things back right. However, doing the right thing is never fun or easy.
I have come to the realisation that the MESS is not just pouring into my personal life but it has also started turning my brain to mush. It has started gobbling up my creativity and the quality of my writing also suffers at times. Getting out of this MESS is not just difficult physically and emotionally, it is also a huge sacrifice that is demanding my entire willpower.
I am finding peace with Mother Teresa’s quote above. It is true – Sacrifice does cost, it does hurt and this one feels like I have emptied myself. I am going to believe more in the love of God than in my weakness. I am sure He will guide me on the right path.
Writing is more important, much more worthy. It is the only thing I want to have in my mind, heart and soul. Everything else has to go. However hard this breaks me, cripples me and shatters me… it needs to go because it is not me!
I am going to yearn for the good old days… I am going to miss those beautiful moments… For some time, I am going to be a living corpse… I am going to trust in God and in time. Isn’t time the best healer?
I hope I am healed soon!